If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
