we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
