How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
