I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
