I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
