When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
