I cannot find my penis.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
