i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
