My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
