Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How external is "for external use only"?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
