I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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