Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Two words: nipple clamps
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