i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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