Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
