I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
