Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
whose parrot is this?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
