yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
