Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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