theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
