Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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