remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
