My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
