I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
