I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize