Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
there is glitter all over my balls
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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