So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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