It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
