How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
