no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
