Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
