threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize