Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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