i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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