I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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