I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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