Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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