Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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