So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
