remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
