Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
