im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
