Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
