why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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