Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
