peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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