All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
