Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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