So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
