aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
