I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
