I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
