...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
