yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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