no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
