Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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