i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
