i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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