We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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