a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
