Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
