I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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