when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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