yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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