The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
