Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
