they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
