It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
