You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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