i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
