why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
