When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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