I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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