Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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