So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
