I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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