She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
