my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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