so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
