happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
