Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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