Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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