now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
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