His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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