I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
