I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
