I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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