You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
