I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
