Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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